The Blair (B)itch Project - s01e14 - Blair

The Blair (B)itch Project - s01e14 - Blair by thegossiplook featuring a cable knit sweater

Serena: At least you get to wake up from your nightmare. I’m living with mine. Thank god I have plans with Dan tonight. Finally, the return of some normalty! B what are you doing?

Blair: Giving homeschooling some serious consideration.

Serena: Look, I know you think everybody’s still talking about you, but your 3-week-old-scandal is ancient news. Do you even hear the dirt happened over break?

Blair: Who’d I heard it from? Dorota?

Serena: Well, after much concerted effort, Maya finally made it into Brody Jenner’s cell phone. And Kati’s dad and her entire family moved back to Israel. Yeah. And Constance’s bad-girl-turned good… Serena Van Der Woodsen moved in with Chuck Bass.

Blair: Yeah. So you’re thinking this whole thing could have blown over by now?

Serena: Come on. That too.

…

Serena: Don’t worry, B.

GossipGirl: The French revolution had cake.

Serena: Come on. Let’s go.

GossipGirl: The American revolution had tea. But looks like the overthrow of Blair Waldorf, well… Who said you need a silver spoon to dole out just desserts?

…

Blair: Can’t we eat somewhere else?

Serena: Ok, I know this is hard for you, B. But you can’t let them beat you. You’re Blair Waldorf, remember?

Blair: Right, right. These are my steps and I’m not gonna relinquish them without a fight, though it would be helpful if maybe there was one more person in our crowd. Only old people and children and… ugh, there’s Chuck and the blond mini-Chuck.

Serena: He’s trying to torture me.

Blair: I can’t believe it.

Serena: I know.

Blair: Does little J actually think she’s anything but their lackey?

…

Blair: They what?

Serena: They’re taking her out to dinner for her birthday tomorrow night. Table service at Socialista.

Blair: So Jenny Humphrey is officially being inscribed on the A-list. Wait. How do you know this?

Serena: Because they invited me, but I said no out of deference to you. I just thought I could have dinner with her and Dan and the whole family.

Blair: How do you make everything so unscathed?

Serena: Because I’m nice. You should try it sometime. Come on. Compliment me. Tell me my hair looks beautiful.

Blair: But your hair looks disgusting. Did you even shower?

Serena: B. I say this out of love but your being a bitch is what you got dairy in your hair in the first place, okay? Be nice and neutral and things will swing back to normal. You’re the queen B, so just let nature take its course.