The Blair (B)itch Project - s01e14 - Serena

The Blair (B)itch Project - s01e14 - Serena by thegossiplook featuring a crystal necklace

Woman: And here’s the second choice of centerpiece.

Lily: Well, we could put this one on a mylar tablecloth and pretend it’s a bar mitzvah. Oh, there you are.

Serena: I have a date with Dan.

Lily: Could you excuse us?

Serena: You’re gonna say something worse than the bar mitzvah remark?

Lily: Serena, I think we should talk about any feelings you might be having about my upcoming marriage.

Serena: Okay, but you’re asking me this now because…

Lily: Cause I got a call from your headmistress who said that there was something about a case of alcohol? Well, I thought you may be acting out.

Serena: Great, mom. I actually woke up this morning and I thought “I’m a little uncertain about my mother’s wedding. Why don’t I invite the entire junior class out to the courtyard for a champagne toast.”

Lily: You have done things like this before.

Serena: Obviously Chuck’s master plan is working.

Lily: Can’t believe you think Chuck is doing these things.

Serena: Looking good to everyone in my life isn’t enough for him. He has to make me look bad or crazy…

Lily: Well, Chuck may be eccentric but I doubt he’s diabolical.

Bart: What’s he done now?

Serena: I’ll tell you what he’s done.

…

Serena: You can’t believe how mad Bart was.

Dan: Yes, I can. ‘Cause you’ve told me about this three times.

Serena: I wonder what they’re gonna do to him. I wish I could see his face.

Dan: Hey, you know what? I’ve got some stories, too. About seeing my mother for the first time since she left at Christmas.

Serena: I’m the worst girlfriend.

Dan: No, you’re not, you’re not. And there’s the funny visit to my grandma at the old folks’ home. Two women, a sponge bath and a bedpan.

Serena: I’m sorry, you’re right. I wanna be here right now with you.

Dan: And… and Nate.

Serena: What?

Nate: Hey guys.

Dan: Hey.

Serena: Hey.

Nate: Sorry to interrupt. Your mom told me you guys were here. Can I speak with you for one second, Dan?

Dan: Uh, yeah. Yeah, sure. All right. Okay.

Nate: So, have you spoken with your sister at all today?

Dan: No. Why? What’s wrong?

Nate: I don’t know, she just called me. She was really freaked out, didn’t know where to turn. She asked to borrow $8000.

Dan: What? Why?

Nate: Yeah, I don’t know. I tried to get her tell me what was going on, but she wouldn’t say anything.

…

Nate: I should probably get back.

Serena: Well, thank you for staying with me while I hid out from my house of horrors.

Nate: Oh, no problem.

Serena: So, do you think Jenny’ll be all right?

Nate: Yeah, Dan’s a good guy. He’ll take care of her.

Serena: You are too, you know, a good guy, a forgiving guy, who can’t pit himself against Blair forever.

Nate: Good night.

Serena: I’m sorry you gave me an opening. Couldn’t resist. I’m just saying.

Nate: How are you doing, man?

Eric: Therapy.

Serena: For four hours?

Eric: Well, before I was playing Wii tennis with Chuck at this guy named Brantforth’s house?

Serena: Why are you hanging out with him?

Eric: Brantforth? Chuck is fun, okay? He’s cool to me and doesn’t treat me like some freak just get out of the Ostroff center.

Serena: Who treats you like that?

Eric: Guys at St.Jude’s, the girls at Constance? At the Korean deli on 75^th street.

Serena: Eric…

Eric: And he’s not… he’s not always carefull around me, like one bad thing, and I’ll break or something. Besides, I always wanted a brother. I’m trying it out, you know? Here.

Serena: What’s this?

Eric: Chuck said it came for you this morning. Thought you might want to open it out of the house, just in case.

Serena: Why didn’t he bring it to me himself?

Eric: Cause he thought you wanted him to stay away from you. Whoa. Is that coke?

Serena: How do you like a brother who use you as a drug mule?

Eric: Serena, I...