Dan: Harris hated him. He called Rilke the Mitch Albom of the 19th century.
Amanda: Rainer Maria Rilke? "Letters To A Young Poet"?
Dan: Yeah, I-I gave it to her, actually, but she never read it. Though on her defense, she never read "Tuesdays With Morrie" either.
Amanda: This comparison coming from a man who does his best writing sloshed at a pub.
Serena: When did you start writing in a pub?
Dan: No, no, no, not me.
Serena: Oh. Uh, you know what? I'm gonna go get another glass.
Man: Another soda?
Serena: Belvedere Martini, two olives, please.
Penelope: Doing okay, S?
Serena: I will be.
Isabel: So don't be mad, but we may have something that'll cheer you up.
Penelope: Several somethings, actually. Serena, this is Jenns, Captain of the Dalton lacrosse team.
Jenus: Can I buy you a drink?
Serena: How about next one?
GossipGirl: Even the most chivalrous knight is not above a little romantic retaliation. It turns out Lonely Boy is a worthy opponent, and it's time for S to bring in the cavalry. Wild horses couldn't keep us away.
Jenus: This guy attacked in the crease, fakes left. I faked Left. He faked right, then I faked right, and then wham!
Jenus: Just laid him out.
Serena: Wow. Amazing.
Dan: Yeah, that was a fascinating story. It was much better than the one where you faked, uh, right and then left, and then you hit him.
Serena: Dan's not a big sports fan.
Jenns: Yeah, I can see that.
Serena: Yeah, he likes poets and "Letters To Poets."
Amanda: I'm gonna use the ladies room.
Serena: You know what? I need another drink.
Jenus: I'll do this again.
Serena: Okay. Okay.
Jenus: Smokin' hot.
Dan: So is this your great peace plan? You invite me out so you can rub lacrosse guy in my face?
Serena: I didn't plan this.
Dan: Yeah. Uh-huh. I'm sure.
Serena: What? I thought it was okay that we date other people.
Dan: Well, you--you certainly picked a winner.
Serena: Well, he's fun, nonneurotic. I thought that would be a nice change.
Dan: That's classy, Serena. Thanks.
Serena: Classy? Like you asking another girl out our first day back at school?
Dan: We were broken up.
Serena: So what, Dan? It hurt. What did you expect? I loved you, and just because we broke up, doesn't mean I can just turn it off like that.
Dan: All right. Um... May-maybe--maybe we should stay away from each other for a while.
Serena: Yeah, you’re right. You and Amanda should probably go.
Dan: Are you ordering me to leave?
Serena: Consider it a suggestion. Why should I go, Dan? These are my friends here, and it's not exactly your kind of place.
Chuck: Cashing out so soon, Humphrey?
Dan: You really should wear a bell.
Chuck: Kinky. I'll think about it. I hope you're not leaving. You're about to see the real Serena.
Dan: I've seen enough.
Chuck: Not by half.
Chuck: Serena's not thinking straight. She's making this about Dan. It's the new girl that defied you.
Penelope: What would you suggest?
Chuck: Ninth grade, the Danish exchange student who kept flirting with your junior prom date? You still remember how to serve a Nair-Tini, don't you?
Isabel: Are you really going to do this?
Penelope: Yes. Why should Serena be the one pulling her hair out? Oopsy. Look at what I've done.
Amanda: Oh, God. My hair!
Girl: What's going on with that girl? She's freaking out.
Dan: Amanda. Hey. Amanda, wait!
Amanda: No, Dan. Just leave me alone.
Serena: Dan. I'm so sorry. Is she okay?
Dan: No. No, don't.
Serena: D-don't what? I didn't plan any of this. It all--it all just happened.
Dan: That's the Serena Van Der Woodsen mantra, isn't it? No--no fault, no responsibility, things just happen. You know, you used to tell me that you were afraid that people couldn't see the real you. Well, maybe you're the one who can't see yourself. From--from where I'm standing, this is who you are.
Serena: Is that what you think of me?
Dan: Yeah, yeah it is. At least they own up to it. Maybe it's time you did, too.
GossipGirl: Spotted-- a beautiful blonde phoenix rising from the ashes of a major public humiliation.
Serena: Never again. From now on, everything goes through me.
GossipGirl: Welcome back, queen Serena. Consider us your humbled servants.'Cause if looks could kill, we wouldn't want to be Dan Humphrey.